


Broken Dick Fic

by SnowStormSkies



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Community: glam_100, Crack, Everything Hurts, Hospitalization, Hurt, M/M, Mocking, Pain, Sarcasm, adumb lambert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-22
Updated: 2013-05-22
Packaged: 2017-12-12 14:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowStormSkies/pseuds/SnowStormSkies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A snarky Ashley, an Adam who is in pain, and a Tommy Joe who has precisely zero sympathy. There's nothing worse in the entire world. Or more cracky, either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Dick Fic

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://casey270.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://casey270.livejournal.com/)**casey270** I think this is a very good representation of our relationship. Also, thank you for the nagging and the beta and the plot bunnies.

**Title:** Broken Dick Fic  
 **Pairing/Characters:** Tommy/Adam, Ashley there as a support snark assistant.  
 **Rating (Word Count):** 100 x 10  
 **Warning(s):** Broken dick, swearing, pain, hurty things, crack _tastic_ ness.  
 **Author's notes:**[](http://casey270.livejournal.com/profile)[ **casey270**](http://casey270.livejournal.com/)I think this is a very good representation of our relationship. Also, thank you for the nagging and the beta and the plot bunnies.

 

 

 

 

 

  
**Broken. Dick. Fic.**

"Fuck you."  
"Well, you tried to fuck me, but it didn't work out so well, did it?"  
"I wish I never met you."  
"You're such a cutie when you're pissed."  
"You're an asshole."  
"I have one but you missed it, and now you have a boo boo."  
"Fuck you."  
"We've been over this."  
“I hate you."  
"Next time, decide you despise someone a little sooner. Or you'll end up with another dick sling."  
"Shut up."  
"It's kind of pretty. I love the pink bandage tape. It just sets off the bruised dick ever so nicely. But where do we sign?"

 

 

 

\--

  
  
  
"I'm not letting you anywhere near my dick again."  
"Not that _you_ can get anywhere near it underneath a compression bandage, and a bunch of ice packs, two packs of padding, and a catheter."  
"....Am I _ever_ gonna get to you?"  
"Not with your dick's sense of direction, no."  
"URGH!"  
"Howling only brings the nurse with the butt stabbing needles quicker."  
"I AM IN A HOSPITAL, WITH MY DICK IN A SLING BECAUSE I WAS DRUNK AND YOU SAID SEX WOULD BE OKAY AND IT'S NOT FUCKING OKAY, TOMMY JOE! MY DICK IS HURTING NOW. IT'S BLACK AND FUCKING BLUE."  


 

 

\--

  
  
  
"Wow. Don't hold back. I mean, I think the nurses on the top floor didn't hear you."  
"I swear to fucking Jesus..."  
"I don't believe, but you sure did swear to him a lot on the way here. Are you sure you're Jewish?"  
"...Well, he doesn't have a hood, Tee."  
"He don't have much of a dick right now, I thought I'd ask."  
"Shut up. Go away. Both of you, Ashley and Tommy. You’re both assholes and I hate you. Go away right the fuck now."  
"Nope. You need someone to fucking babysit you."  
"No, I fucking don't.

 

  
\--

  
  
"But who's gonna kiss it better?"  
"Ashley... but... Help?"  
"That's what I thought. Shut up, spread your legs, and let some lovely ladies do bad things to you."  
"I want my mommy."  
"She's in Miami."  
"Oh."  
"Neil's on his way though. We knew you'd want family."  
"....I wish I'd never fucked you, Tommy."  
"You didn't. Two thrusts in, we were on the way to the hospital. I don't think my _first_ time was that bad."  
"Oh."  
"Yeah. Star fuck, it was not."  
"I wanna curl up and die."  
"Good news: your dick is half way there, or so it looks."  


 

 

\--

  
  
  
"Why did you call Ashley?"  
"I get bored easily and I need to get home if you're here overnight."  
"You get BORED?"  
"Well, your dick's out of action, and it used to be my anti-boredom measure so...."  
"Oh."  
"She has great tits too."  
"Thanks."

"Just sayin' how I see it."  
"My dick's broke and you turn to tits. Great."  
"Baby boy, I need a ride home, and you were the one who rammed your ginormous dick against my pelvis because you were so damn desperate you couldn't take a second to aim. And now your dick is broken. Blame yourself.”

 

 

\--

 

"You make it sound so bad."  
"You try being the one who has to explain to the 911 operator that we need an ambulance because my boyfriend's dick went crack and how he's rolling around on the floor, crying like a damn baby."  
"I WAS IN PAIN."  
"I know, you howled so loud the neighbour's dog woke up. Good luck explaining that one."  
"Really?"  
"Yep, he hit all the notes on the way up, too. Kinda impressed."  
"Wow. That is good."  
"It was, but he was crying, and it was kinda ugly."  
"I snapped my dick in half. Forgive me."

 

 

 

\--

  
  
  
"You're forgiven for that, but you're not forgiven for smacking my dick with your face on the way down. That hurt, dude."  
"Hello, black and blue cock here!"  
"Your own fault."  
"Nobody loves me."  
"Howl it to the moon, lonely boy. You're gonna be loveless for at least six weeks more."  
"...Six weeks?"  
"No jacking, no sexing, no bouncing, no whacking, no rub and tug, no humping. Hey, maybe you should call up about the AMAs now.."  
"....I'm gonna cry."  
"Time for all those nice, family friendly shows that everybody talks about. You could even get a PG rating now."  


 

\--

 

  
  
"I won't even be able to pop wood."  
"Use your words, not your dick to express appreciation, and all will be well."  
"He's not gonna make it."  
"No, but gotta try and support him on these things, Ashley."  
"You two both SUCK.”  
"How's your dick doin', Adam."  
"....I love you both?"  
"Better."  
"He's so trainable, Tommy!"  
"I know. Kinda weird. Maybe we can make him do stuff other than hump me live on stage."  
"Or the speakers."  
"Trueeee."

 

\--

  
  
  
"I'm gonna need a hobby!"  
"He can make balloon animals."  
"He only knows how to make balloon dicks."  
"Oh. That’s not good."

 

"Yeah, he'll get dick envy and I'll have to deal with him complaining because the balloon dick is nicer than his at the moment."

"I do not complain!"

"You texted me six months ago at three am because the guy at the urinal next to you had, and I quote, a prettier cock than you, and now you didn't feel pretty anymore, so I needed to tell you how pretty you were to make up for it."  
“Wow.”  
“It was a long night.”  
"Well. At least his dick didn't pop like a balloon dick would. You know, huff, puff, bang!"

 

 

\--

 

"No but it's kinda done that thing that balloons do after a few days. Shrivel up and go weird, and deflated."  
"...I didn't get to see."  
"You didn't miss much."  
"Oh. Was it that bad?”  
“I don’t wanna say yes, but it was. I had sympathy pains.”  
“You felt pain?! What about me?”  
“You sobbed, told me to shoot you because it hurt and then you cried on my shoe when I was on the phone.”  
“You were wearing shoes?”  
“We were in a rush.”  
“No-”  
“Shut up and take your pills.”  
“No.”  
“Want me to touch it?”  
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”  
“Better.”  



End file.
